Isolation: Foreword by Kit Carruthers

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Isolation basically leaves you two options: Become socially psychologically destroyed and way even deeper than that psychologically destroyed or become socially psychologically super powered and otherwise not so much more of a mental strength imprint than any other negative experience, however generally it is prolonged, so, you're building up quite a lot of strength. It's a really good mental strength imprint, however, it has darkly superior in it. To survive isolation you generally need schizoid and or sociopath, obviously the winner is deep emotional repression and processing dysregulation. Now social engagement rejection don't so much bother you, you're never going to make an embarrassing scene over somebody disliking you. You're not going to be caught doing the reach for friends and looking pathetic, you'll just let them come to you and you're all cool and casual and impressive. But, no matter how well compartmentalized, you're always deeply horrified of the potential deep emotional isolation from those you love. Generally this is impossible, generally if this happens it will only ever happen accidentally, but, if it happens accidentally you know forever this is somebody you will never be able to love again. They trigger the feelings of isolation. No, if it's properly compartmentalized that does not mean pure warm coddle me at all times never once make a mistake, no, it has to be a pretty severe mistake.

At the age of three I developed a fixation with the idea that bad things happen to people who get near me. By twelve I realized it can be sophisticated... It's a really cool thing to tell people, it's an even cooler thing to not tell people and let trouble me until one day I can write it. Only ever find the type of people who would want it or learn one day they wanted it. I came back to it off and on through repressed memory cutoff.

With my parents I established the isolation very early on. It seems they wish to be in their own little world of "We don't have a dysfunctional family like the ones we came from due to the strength of our parenting." So I just leave them alone and let them think they're doing anything, however they teach me absolutely nothing I automatically see how all of this advice will end up being harmful or magically mysteriously turning me into some other person that more closely resembles the inferior them, it all rings of psychotically frightened of life keep it safe and entirely ignorant to the nature of all people whether or not they trigger the feelings of psychotic paranoia, all they do is make decisions to force happiness that always ruin my happiness and take control of situations in order to demonstrate they're oblivious idiots with no handle on how to do anything at all that once almost ended on my death. It was putting me in an alone tent when I was three camping in Jasper because I guess they wanted to fuck on a mountain, I got bronchitis, permanent tissue scaring, and now whenever I cough it sounds like I'm near death, however I can still inhale mass quantities of smoke without any issue whatsoever. The near death cough is not painful it's actually quite satisfying. They were constantly trying to reassure themselves they were horrible parents, I kept giving them basically "It's fine nobody died." I sensed in this moment, semi-consciously very nearly fully consciously that they were thinking "Oh woe is me what fate hath mysteriously befallen us." I could feel that any attempts to engage with real feelings would end on them in their own little world of my own personal crying darkness as they say "It's OKAY, you can still love us you evil child. Jesus." So I just knew in this moment, you don't be emotionally honest with this type of people. I guess some people just do that. You just put up an emotional wall at them and don't feed them anything. Also my mother made me stop being friends with Bolt Remming she has a much nicer and easier to understand friend lined up for me, he's more cognitive functioning level two, like you.

Only child, all I have is my parents. They seem a little... semi-consciously upset with me when I wish to engage with the outside. I have to cut it off, I have to cut them out of all feelings. I know I either have the full love for my parents and be a Branch Davidians baby, every now and then... Getting a look... At little... Moments... Of leak... Blatant displays of their deep Satanic cult of the self psychotic thinking. I have this or I have isolation.

Before school age and a little bit into the first start of school age, I would only ever play with girls, girls are warm and flowers crazy and their annoying problems annoy me less than the boys annoying problems. Usually. Not always. I'm not warm and flowers crazy, I'm pretty typical masculine crazy, but, I strongly dislike how the seemingly typical masculine crazy seems to be presenting itself within the children of this age group. The boys of my level of cognitive functioning I kinda found more boring, not all of them obviously but it was rare that I was ever overly interested to the point of hanging out outside of whatever engagement I had to be at. Yeah but at that age girls are awful they haven't learned yet. No they have not, they're still warm flowers, awful warm flowers. At our level of cognitive functioning especially, considerably more aware of their crazy and therefor actually a little more crazy. At this age both sides of gender at our level of cognitive functioning label both sides of gender about tied. I say masculine at cognitive functioning level two is way worse than feminine, the discussion with my level of cognitive functioning pretty much declared this complicated. It... The only people who are not crazy in childhood are the people who get the hard conservative hammer, they're still crazy but it's hammered and so it's staying there forever. Boys get more freedom to express the crazy but it's still mellowed into what is tolerated by society. I'm not saying let your children run wild and free, just, no conservative thought surveillance all the way to the final solution. I have to keep it in when I engage with the masculines at school age post many layered social cut off that I only hung out with girls, because they're level two cognitive functioning and they know girls naturally fall into the societal education that declares me a pussy. It wasn't a... It wasn't that kind of cut off that got me isolated from those on my side of the nazi eugenics program, it was two different things, many different things.

I always pretty much knew, I had enough information from my cousin Sandra, I always held the awareness of the phone call, I did not watch too much American television as a child. I brainwashed myself against it far more powerfully than they did after I had to see what they're talking about. Oh but my mother really liked the 80s, AH, well, I would have taken it anyway but that automatically gave me the answer. You know to pretty much stay isolated, you know whatever you say and do to these kids means absolutely nothing, they're sub-human.

Eventually, I met my perfect man love match, Caylin Shirran, I had the best friend I've been wanting my entire life and he became my deep obsession, as I him. We're the similar type of masculine sub feminine, we're not feminine but we embrace aspects of feminine behaviours that properly compliment our masculine. YES, past father yes I did cry once because Caylin Shirran couldn't come over to play, that was probably the weirdest thing you ever saw in your life, wasn't it? When Caylin Shirran is over I am in the beautiful world of friends with Caylin Shirran, when he isn't I know I live with you people. He came from the military school, it was about to close down, he introduced me to a lot of very fun military kid evil thinking. However when the school did close down and all of his other friends came over to our school, I got to meet his former best friend who was still kind of reaching for Caylin's best friend-ness and Caylin sorta kinda had to give it to him sometimes a little but not really and we knew we didn't really get to acknowledge this but we both had this acknowledged, that other kid is too stupid to understand it anyway. That other kid, however, introduced me to the military kid psychological torment game of every time you want to get anywhere near them to play with them they run away from you and isolate you. Take my best friend and isolate him from me. At the time this was the most confusing possible out of this world break of everything human interaction is supposed to be, I didn't know what to do with it. This isn't how reality is supposed to operate, this isn't a thing that happens within the world of real people. But, now, basically all I can think towards it is "Oh that's a good isolation." You're not SUPPOSED to, though, you're not SUPPOSED to just go unleashing this kind of pure evil militaristic psychological torment upon the civilians. This is meant to be contained within you people, but, I'm glad you did it. You little weasel. You didn't even use it right, you used it sad. It's supposed to be lose yourself into the unit or else, it isn't supposed to be become acceptable to me socially or else. I know how it is with military kid psychology, you took that real serious, SHUT UP WEINER. YOU'RE FINE. It incidentally hit my military training that declared it acceptable, you were going to do it anyway.

So, grade three through the first part of grade nine I was basically stuck in a group of friends I hated, they were constantly tormenting me, the only one I truly liked was Caylin Shirran. However eventually when I would get some of them alone they all pretty much turned into people I liked, except for one of them, but nobody liked that one. Jordan Shelest, the son of a bully cop. But he thought he could have my alone time like, just in the casual moments of now we're alone together we understand I get your like, no you don't get my like go away. In Middle School I was going to be done with this, I'm finding new friends, however for whatever reason I took the option Caylin's best friend gave me of sitting down at their lunch table. All friendly like. For whatever reason I was still hanging around with them after Caylin Shirran's childhood betrayal just before he moved away. I appeared to have a few potential ins, I was always entranced by the stoner kids and I've been close with one of them ever since the beginning of elementary school, I don't think I would fit in... I'd have to change. Changing feels like a sad looking thing to do. I would most certainly be giggled at if I started dressing like stoner. My in with the stoners always used to call me crackhead Rob, just at the absurdity of me ever being a crackhead. I liked it too, we went back. My paternal grandfather did do a lot of racist appreciation of his Filipinoness but he knew not to bother addressing it with me, shared looks will do. I think we may have spoken of it once but it didn't go any longer than three sentences. It's not that he's not that. He's old, it means something, it's worth making fun of, but he isn't that kind of old.

Pretty much everybody knows the reason except for these people. And now it looks like I care by addressing it but I obviously do not... I pretty much have a handle on how this operates and how development operates and making a friends move isn't really worth it, it's unlikely I'd find anybody I like any better. Making the friends move looks like things to these people, looks like things to the people I'd attempt to declare superior. Meh. I'm just going to leave it. Just. I stand beside these kids, other kids, leave me alone.

When asking them why you do this kind of thing to me the response was "We're toughening you up, turning you into a man. You don't seem to be all that interested in doing or good at rough kid man stuff. You'd rather do other stuff. We think you hate and are afraid of rough kid man stuff even though it's actually just you're kind of bored of rough kid man stuff. We're going to make you see the only obvious way, you will become a man, you will like rough kid man stuff." Okay, well, you did man me up, but, no, it still isn't that I'm still not that. I do enjoy fighting, as I a bit did back then as well but a lot more now, but, I don't do it like rough kid man stuff I do it different. As I did then, you like wrestling fighting, that's not my style I don't know how to do that I don't know how to manhandle. Before you I would fight, I wouldn't necessarily say I enjoy the moment of fighting yet however I do enjoy the moment of winning. I don't hate taking pain from boys I just haven't got the taste for it yet. I don't like wrestling pain, too dull thud. Maybe from a girl because I wouldn't like it. In gym class I could actually be pretty damn good at rough kid man stuff and I generally liked it better. Baseball, I was pretty much the best hitter. Soccer I could really go places. I actually automatically run to the fullest of my ability and don't seem to care too much about what it does to me. Something went wrong.

There was a conversation very young about how no you have to learn to TAKE the dull thud pain, just take it, that's why we like to play like this, man us up. Well, no, I don't need the education on how to take it, I just don't want to, this isn't fun. I can pretty much take it, I guess all you're really teaching me is adopt man face rather than let out your feelings. I know you're feeling the same thing I'm not representing that I can't take it I'm just representing that I know how to release the feelings. But, I suppose it's useful education, I'm going to end up applying it better than you people do. I need both. Not just for sex.

They would keep using the isolation techniques taught to them by the military kids, even though only one of the military kids remained, the one who first proposed the idea, Caylin's former best friend. Who at this point isn't even really that bad I still kinda hate him but I've seen worse. Besides Caylin he was probably the best one, I mean I guess he attracted Caylin. Not still doing manlove jokes, that's just the word, you're fine military kid. Run away from whoever does not conform to rough kid man stuff. Most often it was me. At this point it was entirely a game of giggling absurdity to ever do this. Well, okay, I don't want to hang out with you guys anyway. You doing this isn't going to make me reach for your friendship, quite the opposite. It's just... I don't want to be seen as alone. I don't want to be seen by the other kids as the kid who just got rejected and is now sitting there sad and alone. When I chase you it don't look so good. Looks like I want to be around you looks like I'm whimpering for you. So. I guess I'll just wander off school grounds somewhere. Alone. Isolated.

The other kids at school, every now and then one of the other kids would be all "Oh this one of the ones we make fun of, weird social goober we mock." however the other kids in the class were always all "No we don't really get this one." and even the kids who were doing this to me were all "No, he doesn't have any weird social goober to mock, you're just making shit up, we just seem to be isolating him for some reason." Eventually it became two little idiots in the first couple of months of high school who just frantically met my wall of deep emotional repression and processing dysregulation in a state of pure bliss over finally finding one of the ones they get to declare themselves upon thinking they look so cool to everyone who I believe was observing them from a similar state of mind as I was, I just let them make their really really really out of this world stupid off-jokes like making up for some reason that I spelled my own last name wrong when I obviously did not maybe you don't know how to spell my last name maybe you just found your own inner creativity. You two can take that seriously if you must, you may as well have the smaller stupider one had the weirdest that voice cracking kid voice from the Simpsons ever, EVER, that's not supposed to happen... The joke was too many cocks went in there, thing is I am actually pretty sure it has something to do with a weird repressed memories repressed thoughts hammer, so.

It was St. James in the '90s. Nobody gets to tell you. Everybody who grew up in St. James in the '90s. Anybody tries to tell you, the memory repression wall hits too hard there's no way to crack it. I grew up with a mysterious isolating wall of adults. Anybody who knows the neighbourhood knows to do the emotional cut off with all children, all the teachers, everybody who works in the dentist office the doctors office. The comfortable normal is the paranoid isolating wall of cut off. You get to high school you realize people's emotional problems have got pretty intense. A lot of things happen inside of repressed memory windows that establish a pretty hard barrier towards the world within all of us. It feels... Sophisticated. Nobody realizes we are the one third of these children who survived, everybody else became erased behind repress all memory of their existence repress all memory items that remind you of this person false memory wall every time you look at a record of their existence. There's a lot of this. And a lot of this, a correctly aligned white kid is more likely to make it than not make it, an incorrectly aligned white kid is in a bit of trouble. If your attitude going in was some of these kids appear to be a little browner who cares, you're pretty reasonably safe. However they are going to be level one or two cognitive functioning dimwitted natives and automatically assume that means you accept them as the same as white people when it's actually just who cares. Well we want to make you care, make you care until you learn a higher who cares. You figured out how to murder semi-consciously, you made it, the others know to respect you and leave you alone.

You're gonna find a lot of repressed memories of you waking up from a coma. I had nine. That beats Dane Marshel's seven but I lose to Aria Wellington's fifteen. That means I win, Dane Marshel's a wuss and Aria Wellington couldn't fight 'em off. Some kids had like thirty. Yes, it's squeamish, relax, it was twenty five years ago and nothing has changed. Oh god I hope it didn't stop my heart. Yes it did. Didn't mean anything, we became stabilized no damage was done even if we didn't it takes quite a few comas before there's any permanent damage, just accept the imprinting it will never bother you again. Picture your heart stopping inside your chest, look down at your chest, there it is, you're in yourself this is your chest. Let your repressed thoughts flood you, cry your little childhood eyes out if you need to but you should really be a man dry tears should be all you need. It's just childhood, even if by now you've done worse you're still gonna be a big baby. Don't worry about anything you feel, it's just your etheric body getting an upgrade everything'll run smoother you'll have more relaxed energy you're less likely to ever have a heart attack or heart failure. Squeamish is the correct response, it's a perfectly good survivalist protective instinct, however now understand within reincarnation it's just an organic machine you're just an organic robot machine wiff a bicocomputer in it.

Some of the repressed memory life went to popular girl places at me. Yes I do I try to fem dominate you in my head just for hotness, just like I do with everyone, but then I get sceered and have to stop. We all know, you used to be a violent asshole before they had to come and brainwash you with memory repression and it goes really really really really really horrifying, so, we all always have that on you. It's all the... My level of cognitive functioning says that at your level of cognitive functioning the popular girls win, then you giggle at the very likely statement of kill yourself after they just reached to you for support. Yeah they're stupid, you're stupider and they're hotter. That's what really does it for me. So I'll just fem dominate you, you can have it.

:D I'm a murderer? No, you're a semi-conscious murderer.

You've probably learned to like the atmosphere in your dreams, so, that leaves you pretty open to The Solanaceae Artist Collective. Everything within the atmosphere is the deepest of evil wanting to hurt me, everything, but, the people are nice, everything is nice, everything is normal. There's a secret, they know the secret, they're not trying to hurt you but the secret is trying to hurt you. The world falls apart, nothing is where it should be, you were on the ground now you're on the ground two stories up looking down through the invisible surface that is a perfectly normal floor at what is the real floor. The ground you were standing on flies far off into the distance and falls apart into nothing. Systematically, methodically, kachunk kachunk kachunk.

Eventually one of the "Stupid parents" moments actually worked out for me, I was forced to move to Brandon where I could eventually attain reasonably high popularity amongst the high social nerd drama nerd aspects of the unpopular majority, I got to speak to the stoners, I was reasonably well respected amongst those in the popular minority who actually had their head on straight and were capable of communicating on the level of makes any sense to anybody. Level three cognitive functioning preps, in some ways I felt the connection vibe, a bit of that is mine, a bit. I guess I'm actually all of the things that were cool in high school, stoner prep and I guess I'll go drama nerd. Before moving I didn't tell the rough kids anything about me moving or anybody in my high school anything about me moving until the day before I did it, the plan was to just disappear but it came out to the rough kids. Unfortunately it never came out to poor little adorable and innocent Jessica who I then emotionally isolated with my sociopath and deep emotional repression and processing dysregulation, we were clearly falling in like love and then on my last day we had a find ourselves walking home together moment where it clearly seemed to be becoming very much like love, she's clearly like loved me since the moment I started speaking to her in grade six and we often found ourselves in a complimentary position between her toxic feminine group and my toxic masculine group often battling each other for seemingly no reason. I just let her walk into her house as if it was a normal day we just had a beautiful little love moment conversation knowing that the next day I will be gone. All I had to think about it was "Hm. Pretty. Sorry Jessica." I gave you my thing Jessica. Not sorry Jessica. I didn't want to do that to you, you got caught in the crossfire. All adorable and innocent adorable and innocent. In this moment, it felt too late, I'm going to let you stay in your happy little love dream world for one more day. I think that's how it felt. I'm a sociopath. You are too though you just know how to COVER IT UP, I gave you a good taste of real evil I guess. That one apparently I meant to break, the other three I didn't mean to break.

Then in university I isolated myself dramatically for the first year, went a little agoraphobic. The rest of university basically kinda isolated, these people are not what I hoped they would be, I thought this was where these people figure it out, they did not, I retain friendship outside of my classmates. I'm sure quite a few of them would be just fine, but, nope, they're not going to work. Even with my level I still don't really get my level, oh well. Some of them are probably pretty damn close. Meh. We all see each other doing the same thing, I see some people want to broach it and then it's just... Nah, then we look like them.

Pretty much everyone in university you see isolate is thinking "I thought this where you people clean it up and I can be real, hold interesting conversations, you do not. Obviously I knew that I see how this unfolds into adulthood. I figured maybe some of you escaped, at least temporarily. Obviously at this point I couldn't possibly care less if these intellectual weiner self elevating into coolness dorks who think it's still high school but now we become dominant see me be a loner. Maybe two decades from now 5% of you will be capable of seeing this is the image that appears more sophisticated." *cigarette flick*

Also this is where we really refine our high speed crowd navigating. No, the... sky has nothing for you, what you want is that building over there. No conversation does not require you to stop moving.

There I appear to have covered it UP, I appear to look properly oblivious to how I am perceived. Nerd life of isolation.

In the dormitory lunch room, OH it's the... Intermingling process of small town western Canada, ego invested on too much American television as a child. No. No. ISOALTED. I would get looks for calling it "dormitory" eben dough is called residence, what do you want to be an American television as a child? No, I, uh, that's the word, I think what I want to be is more European I guess. I don't know. I did get a "You're hot come be friends with us." on my door, but I left a "Leave. I hate all you people." Oh he's a MISANTHROPE, okay that's a cooler type of this person. That got me almost invited into the cool club, however then when they began talking about it it seemed to hit my repressed memory complex and they realized I am within a keep it clean process and they became horrified of me. I didn't think it ended in murder but I would have known oh yes of course it ends in the words of kill yourself. This one ended in murder, sorta, I don't think they're people anymore, semi-conscious drone plus ego snap equals zero, the keep it clean policy. Okay... Grand action misdirected by the receiver, I guess what makes sense here is use your stupid what you think is the interconnected channel of brainwashing and send all of you massive amounts of cortizol and the auto-formed psychology awareness of yourself, then attain thought loop level one, attain thought loop level two, attain thought loop level three, attain thought loop level four, attain thought loop level five, die, release deep repress of all memories of this person existing and then remove all memory items that remind anybody of this person create false memory bounce whenever you look at a record of this person. There's nobody to misdirect it but that's the vibes of grand action misdirected by the receiver, it makes an incredibly obvious statement, everybody who sees it either says yes I know what you're saying clearly this is deserved we get to be redeemed or no fuck you there's no statements you don't get to or no I refuse to see any form of statement I'm choosing be stupid I'm choosing look at you as stupid and gets destroyed.

That keep it clean policy is fucking annoying, when I words mass horror'd everybody who scans the Threads algorithm for the word God I was all... Oh I now how to make all of them kill themselves. Repress the memory that was never your plan. Okay well still following through with the action, scare fucking the God people out of the algorithm, a bunch of them are gonna kill themselves repress the memory. Okay well I'm still following through with the action, oh I bet you kill yourself repress the memory, oh I bet you kill yourself repress the memory. Okay I won, horror shocked the God algorithm. I still know people kill themselves to my words, oh I bet a bunch of these people killed themselves. I guess you get to keep after the fact I bet a bunch of these people killed themselves because they know that's when you start going... I made abunch a people kill demsewves? Even dough I keep it cween? Even dough I'm a harmwess adowable cognitive functioning level two who's considering converting to Christianity?

Apparently Dave Olmstead went and found some people who sit in the lunchroom and told them "Okay. He wants be hardcore Winnipeg at Brandon moves backs Winnipeg just to thinks he's hardcode in us. He's go lunchroom rather than hide in room like sad nerd because sad nerd want ego investment friends. Level two cognitive functioning speed of light spread it. Make it the same as it already is." Only about one fifth of the lunchroom was like "Okay? I can eat that. I don't know what it is but it seems to work." So that's like... Three or five hundred kids, yes? Then there's... All three high schools in Brandon, that's another like seven hundred or whatever I don't know whatever the population numbers ended up actually being by the time we were done. That's pretty grand action, Dave Olmstead and Daryl Freeman. That's like, calculated and organized, it's got covert operations and undercover work. That one goes... Misuse of karma, you made a bunch of other kids eat reasonably insignificant karma but the person to whom you're doing it to does matter pretty hard in this situation so it's worse than your average but individually they're pretty much more or less fine they won't spiral or anything necessarily, but, the ones who did want to eat it they're probably already in trouble. Still, it was grand. You used deliberate misinterpretation to pull it off, your motivations were the purest of deceptive evil to pull off a bizarre psychological retard abstraction that you knew would achieve everything that is your life and solve Brandon once and for all and I didn't even really notice. What you were after was "Nooo! My deliberate misinterpretation potentialities! I've never properly lived in the television and now I never will. That's what I get for intimidating David Olmstead, I guess I'll give up everything that's intimidating to David Olmstead and become a normal person. I know beneath, I can't be David Olmstead, I didn't even whimper to somebody else's girlfriend for sex in high school. Sorry world I blew the North America." DRT! Ego investment logic awareness, now that's at everybody in One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, no that was just the analyzation of motives. I guess it can be at high school and lunchroom cafeteria if it resolves a molecule of ancient compartmentalization. I don't think it does that feels too stupid. DRT! That one hits ego investment logic awareness too. And now so does all of the acknoweldgement of ego investment logic awareness. And now so does that. LEAVE ME ALONE NORTH AMERICA. I do remember giggling at the potentiality when I saw a few looks but it pretty much went away there's no way anything could ever be that paranoid wall of isolation grand evil stupid.

Then my parents trapped me within a system of isolation, legally remove me from my life. Take away my twenties and thirties. If I wish to retain my life, go out and hang out with friends... I would be required to witness their "Okay, we can get through this." process. The deep darkness that falls over them, sometimes my mother may start crying. I know for the next five hours after I have left the house they are going through their psychological preparedness and management protocol, step by step, figuring out how they're going to get through this. As my father stares into the horizon contemplating the deeply serious threatening darkness that is life. The majesty of himself in this moment and the majesty of himself staring into the horizon. I knew playing with this was dangerous, anything that antagonized on the subject of me being permitted to live a life, there was a tunnel to my destruction, also I had another reason not to fight. Eventually they probably would have given up, but, I had another reason not to fight, and another reason I really only had two friends that would want to hang out. Cas and Matt Sylvestre, I gave them a few tries but pretty much meh they're both scared of me. Eventually they relocated us to Steinbach and cut off any and all access to my social life, or at least the in the same room as each other aspects of my social life, removed my ability to take a bus anywhere. Luckily I have strong legs, I can just walk for an hour if that's what I need to do.

Okay level two cognitive functioning now you have to picture a lot of big tough guy Kit Carruthers crying beyond the limits of sociopathic emotional superficiality. No, I do a very very pretty drama cry, that is not the nature of my vulnerability inhibition. It's kind of basically like one of the most important aspects of being a drugs hippie, no you have no struggle whatsoever with any form of realness particularly the release of emotion. It's one of the main reasons we have to isolate because now we all look like unreasonable crazy people, particularly when it breaks the passive aggressive society baseline at totally inappropriate moments. With level three cognitive functioning now the face that falls over level two cognitive functioning when we engage in the conversations intoxication to drop my up nosed society face do I, no it's just... It's the word. It automatically dehumanizes you for fighting your dehumanization, but, it's the word, we don't have a choice. My vulnerability inhibition is at the general public not at life in general. It never was at life in general but especially now that I'm drugs hippie. Stop. Stop humanistic psychology ego invested American. Your version of make Kit Carruthers palatable to an American television audience isn't going to do it for anybody else.

With BritSVT!ney Stravitz I was emotionally isolating her a liSVT!ttle inside of me by thinking Aria Wellington may actually be my favourite, then she died thinking she was my favourite. She wins. Aria Wellington would always look away from me in bed afterwards and it was driving me emotionally blitzballs. Then she borderline'd me hard with her vaguely psychopathic brain tweaking addiction and empath magic attempt at me and success at another about ten months after Britney Stravitz died by manipulating a not so great indie rocker into thinking he was one of us and he is to be her favourite we can still work together but I'm not going to be with you, because she was still within the borderline mission agenda of make me Kit Carruthers' favourite or else after the death of Britney Stravitz. After immediately seeing what she was doing, she learned I had declared her my favourite while Britney Stravitz was still alive, she ran away and I didn't speak to her again for well over a decade. She was entirely oblivious, isolated, for all she knew my ketamine self brainwashing against Britney Stravitz was reality. Her borderline wasn't that adorable, she didn't really love me, but, with her it's pretty much the best you get so it's basically equivalent.

Then I found my perfect could never hurt me in any way that I dislike Aria Wellington and Michael Stratsberg semi-admits his evil semi-conscious plan to destroy all comfortable love and happiness for me forever and trap me within the eternal isolation from any and all. We agreed he was the man to raise my children with Aria Wellington after my inevitable death, he was working on something that he was afraid he was planning to release AFTER my death, which he was fully consciously aware meant "Some of me MORE, some of me BETTER, some of me OVER" but unaware this means "Parts of your love belong only to me and Kit Carruthers can never have them. We have dark evil secrets together, the dark evil shadow looking down on him, we have long conversations about all of the things that make you better than Kit Carruthers and all of the things I hate about Kit Carruthers that I'm so happy I have you to resolve. In some ways I'm glad he's dead, because now I have you. In some ways." We declare that move a little ego invested, Michael Stratsberg. You still had problems. Luckily my soul mates came to my rescue and declared with a screeching we love Kit Carruthers redeeming resolve after that move Michael Stratsberg is somebody nobody can trust with love, he is to be isolated. Any semblance of ego investment in a circle of comfortable casual free love introduces a bit of a nightmare, we can't do it with you. Maybe you felt like the right choice because Aria Wellington is going to require somebody to emotionally abuse.

Then I learn from my repressed memory functions my cousin Julia established a system of false warmth empath love upon me in childhood hoping to draw false impressiveness out of me and destroy it once she learned of my family history of Freemasonry and my mysterious story eben dough she da one who born wiff magic empaff. Our entire childhood cousin marriage was a lie everything that is her everything is a lie.

Alright. ARIA WELLINGTON. We are done. We are done forever. I will never trust you. You know that. You know there's NOTHING you could ever do that would let me trust you. This imprint hammering me actually did entirely cut off the ability to love all the way to 100% complete for a moment, I had to find it again through paranoia scrambling. Alright then, now I've got some work to do here, let's go over every woman who's ever loved me.

Kim Appelt in high school, magic empath... I think I can basically trust that initial approach though as she would accidentally empath magic me and then get annoyed and take it down, if that one were a clever ploy that one goes too far, at the point of highschool only Kit Carruthers would be able to think that one up and then pull it off. I was noticing very obvious cracks in her empathic feelings whoomph around me and then eventually a pretty much entirely different resting bitch face than with any of the others, but, I am paranoid psychotic, so. She did INITIATE with me with false lovie dovie empath, but, she was a highly misanthropic person who would never go initiating with anybody else with false lovie dovie empath so I'll take that as genuine false lovie dovie empath. She did read my intense casual paranoia and intense casual intellectual belittlement and that pretty much paralyzed her and made her all the more in love but then she decided to empath flash me to make herself maintain face as the oblivious adorable idiot so I have no problem with saying the intense casual paranoia and intense casual intellectual belittlement remains to this day, just for being a magic empath you are isolated.

Her initial approach to me was obviously, oh new kid oh I'm definitely manipulating this kid into oblivion, then she was informed by her overarching team that this one is actually high chosen one, considerably higher than you, then oh okay I guess now that he's hot and mildly popular I'll go fall in love with him. This kind of thinking obviously doesn't bother me, that's obviously a head on straight, what bothers me is just... Who you think you are, then, okay cover it up, then you just get a brand new who you think you are. You're somebody, you just don't quite deserve it yet, not that much of it. But I'm okay with that. Also... You're level three cognitive functioning, so, I automatically know you were also a nerd weiner back in Saskatoon and now you're at a new high school all sexy and you know that means you get to be scary evil high school queen chosen one. Your little ethereal no way to argue with it thought jump didn't work on that one, did it?

Then afterwards obviously she went and high speed flapping bird empath manipulated all of the level three cognitive functioning into whatever can be found within nerd weiner passive aggressive index including obvious lies, then gave it to the wall of perceived then flew to Switzerland then Germany then Uganda and continued on with her mission. I know you people are always after "BEHIND MY BACK" and then the next one you're after is "PLEASE" so instead what you're going to have to get is you don't understand you're in your own little world, it's just an empty meaningless vessel of nuisance. It's just an annoying little problem it should probably be taken care of it doesn't do anything but be a nuisance.

One of the conversations we had was the suggestion that I hate messiah games. Mmkay, we have a bit of a problem. I am currently "Working on an image all to yourself already I kn-" working on messiah things, growing the repertoire of knowledge and where I'm going with it and where I'm going with my art and exploring all possibilities within my art. This is high school games, messiahs in high school one day I grow up and become chosen one everything solved for me right now I'm just building image. Really really simple... Simple stupid... Pop music grew up in a North America that's never going to be impressive to anybody once we kill North America image. Conversational wizzard... To... Small town North American high school. To me you sound like a complete and total simpleton. What the fuck are messiah games? You go off and play with the other sub-level messiahs if you want messiah games leave the higher tier alone you don't get to approach the higher tier with... Messiah... Games... This is all very biblical harlot I don't think you realize we're not building an image to appeal to the perceived, those who wish to see you as biblical harlot, that falls apart immediately, you grew up in Saskatoon knowing you're chosen, you are a disgrace.

Britney Stravitz, whatever. That one won.

Alisha kissed me final at the age of eleven, it was a sad attempt to hurt me and whimper at me simultaneously, she went in with the assumption of false lovingness at me, found genuine lovingness within about a day, found that at the point she gave me the kiss of death I was growing heavily distasteful of her, belittling of her intelligence I expect people of level three cognitive functioning to be able to match me entirely if you can't do it I guess I'll never have anybody. She meant to leave me with all I did was hurt sweet adorable Alisha, but, she incidentally cut off all belittling of her intelligence so all I really got left with is there was an Alisha and for awhile we adorably wanted to marry each other because children, when I mention her in writing I guess I'll just have to say the wedding is off. You're isolated.

I went too far. As a child I would use my analysis and sharp wit to paralyze level two cognitive functioning logic and then beat the ever loving shit out of them to the point of knockout and then a little further, broken ribs, broken wrists, broken arms, broken legs, almost a broken vertebrae, I learned to hard hammer it in there quick because they're always bigger than me and they always think they can initiate with level two cognitive functioning logic and their more threatening stature. It ended in one murder. At this age I know what I am about half the time, I know I get away with it, somebody comes and covers it up, what are you gonna do? Repress the memory, only leave with I should be in juvie. I have magic God powers, I have the pulse, I can just feel the precise angles at which I wish to break the bones to get done exactly what I wish to get done.

So, I was that, that's why I was so attractive, so I pretty much started using it. Then with her I guess it got a little out of hand into meaning it beyond the levels of acceptable. I could paralyze her with words as well. That was my own personal I guess I'm all alone problem, I'm sorry Alisha. Yes it had a lot of I know you're manipulating me in it, which you were, but you didn't mean it, you were innocent. You were not innocent but you were innocent, you didn't want it you were scared and confused. I did it with feminist feelings not misogynist feelings. Thank you for hitting me back. I know afterwards you would innocently manipulate yourself into a deeper innocent you evil me. Poor you. I knew what I was doing.

So, that stuff got me the first seven or eight keep it clean policy brainwashings. I also got one in grade five when I paralyzed Jordan Shelest, the son of a bully cop, with ego investment logic and then beat the shit out of him, the third came in grade eight when I paralyzed Jordan Shelest, the son of a bully cop, with ego investment logic and then beat the shit out of him. The second Jordan Shelest one the rough kid man stuff kids actually remembered but I didn't get to keep it. I guess that was when they finally shut up. Then when I moved to Brandon I guess a handful of the rough kid man stuff kids decided to try to out intimidate me on internet messaging in their repressed memory window but that one I kept and they didn't with the opposite ego investment logic. Then on Facebook when I was like twenty I told Jordan Shelest "Haha you hurt my feelings when we were children and now you're fat and have no friends." Then when we were in the middle of something else I figured as long as we're giving orders may as well clean him up this was a long time coming, I don't think this is going to do what I want it to do to my karma I'm pretty sure this one will only bring me flowers and teddy bears and boxes of chocolate in the next life. It was the... The super over the top one, the all of the things that hurt until you're completely paralyzed and incapable of screaming one. So, at least that.

I hit Alison a lot too. That's why she kept wanting to hit me as well. And molest me. My mother took her as too dangerous for her soft innocent little child. All she knew was playing doctor with Alison, no that was the... That's the cover. My mother's all I KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS, MY SON DOESN'T KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS. She didn't like that Marla girl either... She thought that one was really unnecessarily savage. I was all, yeah I guess she's a little loopy, she has her reasons. Women are just as bad as boys you know, worse even. Yeah I guess, sorta, not really. Stop educating me. Marla, sorry, my mother did a lot of "No you hate her" work on me, "I see you hate her, I see your feelings you don't understand your feelings you're a boy." that eventually just snapped and drove into the release of "I'm working on your developmental memory brainwashing." except with the word brainwashing made into the one that makes it real, I guess she picked it up from somewhere else, there was clearly a lot of level two cognitive functioning attempting to turn level three cognitive functioning into the real one, the one that fits, at that place. I assumed this fell out of all the Open Door Policy mind warping shit at her, but it appears they were discussing it with the other level two cognitive functioning moms, this is the best solution, and it fit within her psychosis, the sane thing to do, use psychology at these insane freak children. It pretty much just caused you to get phased out of my memory structure I didn't really turn you into anything. You were still there, but you were pretty much just a blank item with the passive label crazy bitch. By adulthood, after a bit of a trauma episode when my mother brought you up, this label had become purely positive, I remember her, CRAZY BITCH, I never remembered her, my memory is trying to tell me annoying, no she was my favourite, okay repress, no she was a good one. However unfortunately by that time your life had already been entirely ruined by what came out of my mouth at you. I'd tell my mother on you, but, unfortunately at the point of realizing this I'd already done so much work on her that her's would turn into the opposite and make her very happy and then go away. It would have gone in the thought loop but it may have killed her before my father could close the trap. Those two always wondered why I never hit Alisha, it drove them marbles. I didn't yet. I know you knew she was manipulating me, when you brought it up all you got was "Yeah I know, she told me." Then I believe it went away. The event with Marla was it for me with Alison as well. It destroyed the both of them emotionally, Marla almost died a number of times and had to be narcaned. I love you, don't kill yourself. Alison entered the empty dead inside life of forgotten chosen finding men and convincing them to kill themselves in bed and sometimes actual murder and finding a husband and horror locking him in place with the threat of actual murder and I don't care I'll just kill the kids and then kill myself, it seems revelations is coming I give you about a year. They thought I... I isolated them out of the club of chosen. I got isolated from them. They're fine, they maintained chosen. God's not giving them a choice.

Oh yeah doesn't that just say it, USE PSYCHOLOGY, yeah that's perfect, level two cognitive functioning, use the real psychology within our side of psychology to alter the real psychology into our side of the psychology so everything still fits properly according to level two cognitive functioning logic. Not the psychology of watching yourself use psychology, no never that one, never that one, just USE PSYCHOLOGY. I can tell by the horrified adorable innocent why are you doing this to me, why are you watching me do this look in your eyes that the field of psychology is the one. That means what I study is psychology, that means I eventually uncover all of this, that means I blame everything going wrong with society, which is all of it, on you personally.

Alisha had a moment of kicking my father repeatedly in the balls. He had obviously had a bit of a control your bitch misogyny relapse. I tried, I tried to control my bitch she basically just went well I'm doing this I'm re-claiming da power put your feelings in your little femdom complex I guess if you must. Because he... He ordered her to go home when she was going on an emotional rampage. You dare!? Alright well now I pretty much see it, yeah this is the source of your power over us is it yeah you just get to remain pure and pristine and we're the ones who actually have to do all the toughness work no I don't think this is how you win I'm just gonna mandom you with feelings you pretentious bitch. That's... Correct pretentious not the way North America uses pretentious, that was back when I was still using that word I had to give it up.

All of the parents around the Alisha kiss were all "Aw 'dats cute, he gets to get that one over wiff at age nine 'dat ones awkward later." We were already hands over pants S&M, at that point probably under pants. Same with the other two, we developed early. I think I'm being overly dramatic, I don't know what I feel. I don't have to feel it you have to feel it. I think I know you're going away. I mean it, I don't mean it. I'm just gonna leave it, figure it out empath. Eventually obviously she got where I wanted her to be with the hitting, at which point she had to say but I told you about my condition. At which point I made fun of her for whimpering, I know I'm still gonna beat you. I will find every genuine acknowledgement of your intelligence that I can. Least favourite. FIGURE IT OUT, BITCH. It seemed you wanted me to figure something out... You wanted me to figure out why behind the emotional manipulation there appears to be a force of my complete and total destruction for absolutely no reason. It's broken I don't know what to do about it. I'm not hitting it, I tried, it's too frightening, it's the other side, it's an impossibility, it's my brain going haywire to my death. At least you were pretty positive it didn't seem possible either. A lot of it warbles away, it's a surreal moment, I catch glimpses of the real you inside of there laughing and crying and stupid even though you keep telling me I'm not supposed to be able to see that, at this point I'm pretty much almost DRNT!

I only ever remembered the three of you, as Melissa had to be taken away, she had to be shipped off to a facility in the brain space, she go over there, as she is the one basically responsible for the isolation policy. I have a pretty little yelling her name on the street as she's running away in the snow memory, that one's like a little movie in my head. You were all in and out of realizing what was happening was memories being fucked with, somebody did something, she's the little overemotional bitch who decided FINE if the forces are just going to hurt us like this then we'll just be the force of hurting the forces back. NYUH!! We hate Rob. For pretend. ... Feels a little like you were starting to slip into ego investment for protection. That's not the one that's going to work for anybody. I'm going to let it slide considering you were all already going psychotic. I did an emergency memory repress you out of my life, all the way, all the way out, otherwise I was about to lose the ability to love at the age of seven. Second least favourite, second least favourite Alisha. That makes you third favourite, I didn't really so much have any meaningful grudge on you, I went too far. Just... Hurt. It seems now my condition allows me to emotionally manipulate. Select victims. I'm sorry.

The brainwashing campaign initiated by my mother and the psychological establishment ended up declaring you the favourite in my head. You did the best job manipulating my mother into you being the only one who was sweet and innocent, so, at least you won that one.

It must have fit, I didn't resist it. You were the only one still willing to be there with me, knowing this is wrong and you need to maintain sanity as you know it's right and try to destroy me but know that's wrong. You didn't know how to not be manipulative. You were confused and frightened. Within reality is wrong, I managed to rise above it and do wrong, just to realiy. I guess just to hurt the forces... The forces. I'm sorry.

The man who gave my mother this advice is still alive and well in Winnipeg. We'll make sure his entire family is over when we do it. All of his grandchildren. All of his friends.

Yes obviously it went all U JUS TINK U CAN BE BIG TOUGH GUY BEAT US UP IN WORDS EBEN DOUGH WE BIGGER TOUGH GUY. Then those one's got a broken wrist. Den dey tought dey could beat me if dey use red rober. Den I broke red rober and did it anyway. Maybe you should stop sending me to childhood babysitting programs that take place in church basements, mother. Ego investment build eventually declared them impossible to paralyze. At this point I pretty much had to give it up, establish the wall, isolate. The girls of my level of cognitive functioning are going quiet and disappearing. Alone... Alone...

Biblical harlots. Do you have any idea how Frenchman crying at his accordion I can go over biblical harlot?

Remember I have a condition, I appear to be within a higher concept processing space, now I've educated myself and explored intelligent conversation with other lightworker types who have done similar work as myself on the internet, including other revolutionary artists who did a similar image build based on internet knowledge dives that I was still sometimes capable of labelling immatuwr. I see all details and all details within details I just bypass them, but if you wish for me to expand upon my thoughts into your suicide I'm capable of doing so. Just... Carefully study the phrase "Biblical harlot" and see how you FRANCE.

Then I got addicted to murder and leaving people paralyzed. It's the kill yourself and disappear kids anyway. And I guess their parents after they looked at their own internal responses to what happened. I didn't exactly want to get addicted to murder, I mean I want to murder, but, well, I got a lot of bad encouragement from the New World Order. Just as with going all the way to broken vertebrae. I mean I wanted to break his vertebrae, but, incorrect encouragement from the New World Order. Make me look like an idiot why don't you. Everybody pretty much repressed the height of my rampage anyway, so, I don't see this doing anything for my image, I'm pretty much kept baseline me then within the repressed memory structure there's the I get to do whatever I want asshole. It... It does enter your grey matter fabric, you gain a much higher mental sophistication if you start justly unjustly murdering as a child than you would if you start as an adult, so, okay fine like I care about how these kids perceive me anyway. You could have stopped me at four, though. I still don't like that stupid neural implant. No it isn't... No, you can't do that one that's physically impossible. Obviously that's exactly what level two cognitive functioning wanted when they did it however.

"Follow through with your action, we'll clean it up for you." was very much obviously correct, meant to be, level three cognitive functioning understands how to orchestrate the God process. "Nowm I can associate neural implant with we lead antichrist around by nose are organize the whole thing outside his head above him and sorta I guess beneath him but we still claim an above him by monitoring action clicks and finding okay we're at this one that we're doing for him by knowing we're at this one as he's totally oblivious doing everything he was doing anyway and triggering out of control level two cognitive functioning life of pretend like he'll probably not want check this email yet we're gonna redo it too much we own the antichrist we're keeping him in his own little world in it we'll just hack his computer for him show him super cool hardcore New World Order we're really good at it whoops now he has to recreate the email account whoops it still doesn't work because we altered Outlook and damaged it whoops we got a bullet to the head. Okay we need a new hacker whoops they got a bullet to the head." was incorrect. The New World Order executive who decided we need a higher base of people I guess we can allow level two cognitive functioning in if we understand how to keep them in their own little world and isolate them... Worst mistake in history. Disgraced. You don't get an eternal position in the new government.

Jessica obviously went way over the top into false empath laughter at my humour initially, easily detectable, I am that funny but if you're that impressed with it something is off. Obviously another genuine false empath, habitual behaviour. Our relationship together was genuine, I got to see the dark edge underneath her adorable empath magic. But, nevertheless I pretty much just got left with sweet and adorable, even though I know she wasn't. She saw my face but she didn't want to read it. So I guess that dark edge slut I found on Facebook afterwards that I tried to reconnect with was in fact her, I didn't accidental creep a random. Oh well she gets to be left... If that is in fact her and that one little incident is the one that drove her from sweet and adorable into dark drugs edge slut that's pretty fucking sad. You're isolated. Her flapping empath bird went... So he's a little isolated and general nerd weiner. That was before, she didn't really like it, then for I'unnow six months two years she went on an empath flapping bird mission and liked it.

Remember, empaths, all of these high speed flapping bird incidents meet the same standards of misuse of karma. Worse, worse standards, you're not really giving anybody a choice but to fuck their karma. So, less lands on them more lands on you. Try to find... Justify some of it with well they suck anyway let's fuck their karma, that gives you a little however not a lot as that was obviously not your motivation going in, your motivation going in was always full knowledge of chosen one let's destroy him with stupid by presenting the stupid at the stupid I'm smart.

All of you magic empaths get to live, you're isolated but you can live, you're too useful. The other two never required the isolation. I'm-I'm obviously not sorry, I'm sorry we all had to be this with each other. I'm sorry your parents had to cry themselves to death when they thought you hit your final narcan, Marla. I don't think you're sorry, you had your reasons for being loopy. Oh cry cry cry we don't get to be chosen parents who would have killed themselves anyway as soon as psychedelic celebrity cross schooling hits them. The only parents who believed what their daughters were saying, the only parents who really needed it and knew they could have it because they're crazy enough. Alison pretty much just played with it, amplified the crazy to them as much as she could talking like a spiritual babbler about my presence. It sits... It sits outside of reality. Inside of it outside of it. The presence. The presence...

Alright, alright... A certain quality that would outshine certain qualities of mine. Like, Michael Stratsberg's deep sadness is better than my deep sadness, it's more appealing. No, my bleakness is better than his sadness, and if I decide to pull the Shakespearean drama cry mine is always way way better. It's, like, picking apart various qualities, weighing isolated qualities as mathematical variables, putting them within sub-systems and attaching them to Aria Wellington's appropriate sub-systems, hopefully finding a way to out weigh mine, particularily in her moments of sadness over my death falling into your sadness. No, no it isn't going to work. You're ego invested. It's just, my general personhood is way better, I don't really think you have anything to poke at, besides ego invested things like you had sex in high school I didn't wanna do the North American whimper for prove myself. I could have had Kim Appelt but, like, I'm pretty sure my image safety considerations were reasonably sound. I mean, I enter unpopular weiner, I get hot, I get Kim Appelt, everybody gets to think I think I am perceived as the person who thinks they think I am perceived as big cool guy sex hero now look at me I wear prep shirts with shag hair now I got Kim Appelt. I had Alisha and Alison and Marla when I was eight you know. Or seven maybe. Or six. Five, I'unnow. You're ego invested. You learned a good emotional manipulation you emo weiner. Not the... Not the thing I gave him I was making fun of it, you're probably all doing that one too without realizing. My life of sadness is way better, it has no sex in high school. My sex sophistication shows better for not doing the North American whimper. You can have your love back now that ego investment is gone. You're one of my favourites again Michael Stratsberg, okay? Whether or not the promised future life murder stands will depend on your behaviour. You have to keep both of these. You're one of my favourites and I might kill you. Okay?

Pretty much like half of these idiots developed an ego investment problem in school whatever. It doesn't work with free love. Everybody needs to relax on trying to redeem themselves at me to cover my isolation problems, thats's not how it's gonna work, you had ego investment problems. You encouraged the others and made me paranoid. I... I horror snapped them at me. HORROR. Horror snap. I fuck you up. It makes me look like an Alison Marla asshole but no I meant that one I would never do that to Alison or Marla.

I guess with Aria Wellington I'm just going to have to realize... My perfectly embodied empty superficial image is the most impressive one on the planet, I have successfully emotionally isolated past her to the point she is locked into not questioning. I am paranoid psychotic monitoring her every facial expression and she has no possibility of finding a comfortable safety level falseness, she knows any attempt to destroy me emotionally will be met with her destruction, eventually it will be spotted. I have a good handle on mental manipulation all the way to magic and she knows I'm capable of just as much cruelty as her within this department. If it were not for me emotionally isolating past her into literal forever death she would be nothing and have nothing. I can declare safety in the fact that she knows I will never declare safety. Position? No, I can't declare safety in my position... What about her position inside of herself? That one will always be suspicious. It's okay, though, now I know how to kill an empath, otherwise who knows what she gets lost in getting me lost in things, who knows.

And then I understand Julia understands and has destroyed herself. And then it's just... The concept of paranoid isolation hurts so much I need it to keep hurting me worse so I can hurt it with it's hurting me. Even though all my stupid borderline urges mammal glitch was already solved by Aria Wellington fulfilling it. Or at least it was... Fucking. Okay it came back a tiny bit, that usually wouldn't happen my advice on that page still stands things got all fucked up. Now I have to figure out another way to get rid of it, I like it, but, it looks too stupid, now that I've seen it gone I realize it causes too much internal trouble to ever want to keep it. This time it's just at the wall of paranoid isolation. YAY I got to do it again.

Then you have to sort through the fucking brain and look for all of your paranoia options, fucking I thought I got this shit over with in my teenage years this shit is fucking embarrassing, all of the potentialities within cultural conditioning and other people's awarenesses of the options within vulnerability inhibition, great I guess go over this again in adulthood anyway it makes the semi-conscious cleaner. Yeah I haven't really seen Kim Appelt since high school what if she's still in high school what if I'm still in high school like neither of us really were then particularly me but potentially. I know she played the part of high school for a moment just to hurt me inside of herself but luckily everybody she spoke to knows she doesn't ever find anybody worth that shit and she doesn't care about that shit. All of these women may still want to hurt me, I don't know if I've properly nullified their feminine problems with my masculine problems. Oh and dammit I guess I'm still a child as well... Why don't I get a mommy? Because I don't care, I didn't care then and I don't care now brain. Oh I've experienced so much isolation what if my love don't work right, oh that makes my love not work right does it? I hate you brain.

Remember, when it's real so is half of the false artificial compilmenet and I don't even care about it, no I obviously never would have dreamed of using my condition in that manner it's just an acknowledgement of the paranoid isolating brain glitch. Oh well it's covered UP. There. Figure out that one I think. I'll get to my feelings for you once the plan is properly compiled. I won't have to initiate the plan again, I'm pretty sure, now that I've already made an example of one of you. Oh and I'll be making an example of the other one, but, that one actually does hit the emotional glitching more passively.

Women love me, I know that, I just want to play paranoid isolation games with myself. I know it isn't they have to love me I'm the messiah 'cause they're all messiahs too I'm just the captain, that one's really stupid uncomfortable with stupid to unpack so if you think that's what you're showing you're gonna need to figure it out all by yourself before the hammer comes down upon you. The problem is when I'm getting any semblance of false, things behind my back are not what I would expect them to be, now all I am is women are supposed to love me and I'm supposed to know that because I'm too powerful I look to cool to the others for them to be able to break it. So... In that case I guess that just means a bitch is gonna have to get murdered. So, we're good.